NEWSFLASH: The fine ladies employed by the Moonlight Bunny Ranch, located outside of Las Vegas, Nevada (of which we are a proud, native son) have finally weighed in with their endorsement for the 2012 Republican Presidential Primary, reports Raw Story. Mitt Romney, who is leading in polls, has been snubbed: Their vote has gone to Ron Paul.
The endorsement is a product of Mr. Paul’s platform of emphatically endorsing the rights of states, without which, Nevada (outside of Clark County) wouldn’t have legalized prostitution. Mr. Paul’s experience as a gynecologist was also a strong factor, citing this as an explicit understanding and inherent endorsement of womens’ rights.
Furthermore, the women will be campaigning for Mr. Paul on the homefront:
“If a client comes into the Bunny Ranch and says, ‘I’m pimpin for Paul,’ they’re going to have a real good time,” owner Dennis Hof proclaimed. “Aren’t they, girls?”
“Yeah!” the women sitting next to Hof on a red velvet couch shouted.
Finally, in an unlikely victory, Mr. Paul has also received the endorsement of Gucci Parker, who was previously assumed to be registering an abstention. Gucci Parker’s change-of-heart was the product of a concern for being cannibalized by the policies of President Barack Obama. Literally:
Ranch employees say they can’t back President Barack Obama because he signed a law that lifted a 5-year-old ban on horse meat inspections. “We’re animal lovers, and [my dog] Gucci is also supporting Ron Paul because he feels like if Obama will let us eat the horses, he could be next,” worker Cami Parker explained.
Whether or not the Romney campaign can emerge unscathed from this endorsement has yet to be seen. President Barack Obama has currently not commented on the matter of dog cannibalization. Finally, pharmaceutical painkiller addicts, polygamists, and child molesters of the world have yet to weigh in with their endorsements. Surely in time they will, resulting in another great headline like this one, and the funniest iteration of ‘oppo’ media placement basically ever. As the ever-quotable Omar Little once put it: ‘It’s all in the game.‘
It certainly is. The Nevada primary takes place on February 4th.
firstname.lastname@example.org | @weareyourfek
Follow Foster Kamer via RSS.